you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
