also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I could fuck to npr.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
