So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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