Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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