No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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