yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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