new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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