Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You're like the curious george of whores
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
