Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
