4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
