My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
