that's an acceptable place to lick
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
