I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
