you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
