Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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