Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
