I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
