If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize