I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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