i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
