I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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