My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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