yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
