I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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