thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
