You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
