he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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