Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
