I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
