If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
