we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
