do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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