walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
