i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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