i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
