I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
