This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
