is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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