Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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