the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
