i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wow bdsm is so cute
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
