And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
