You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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