my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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