Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
