Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
