My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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