i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
