I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
