She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
