i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
