Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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