My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
