I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
