If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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