oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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