I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
