i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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