I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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