I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
