I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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