Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
