i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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