Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
