So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
