you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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