Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
