I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
