Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
