Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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