the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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