3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
