He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
