If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your penis caused this!
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