11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
